Kayden's Birth Story

 After my appointment on June 11th the day was officially set I was supposed to be induced the next morning. My doctor, Dr Olivera was concerned Kayden would be too big to push out if I went past my date, the nerves of picking his birthday myself went way by the time we left the parking lot but as I'm constantly reminded god has a better plan then we have in our mind, I couldn't believe tomorrow I'd be a mom and I’d finally get to meet my little boy. 

The whole day I felt off just groggy and tired, I was really tired I felt exhausted so Greg went to the gym while I took a nap on his parents couch. Greg's mom came home at 5 and I woke up, the moment I did I didn't feel good I felt really hot so we took my temperature but everything was normal. Once Greg got back to his parents we told them we'd see them tomorrow at the hospital. On our way home we grabbed McDonalds {big mistake} I ate one burger & I was done I couldn't eat anymore I really just wasn't feeling good at all now! Our plan when we got home was to take a shower watch a movie then go to bed by 8pm, the car was already packed and had been for awhile. We got in the shower I tried to just relax and enjoy not having to rush, I still kept thinking is it right for me to pick his birthday, Greg got out of the shower I was talking to him then I felt a thud like my stomach just dropped and then just like that my water broke! I always thought it would break in the shower I didn't feel contractions instantly so I wasn't 100% sure I made Greg lay the towel down on the floor so I could get out of the shower and I called my mom she confirmed for me that in fact my water did break so just like that Kayden said the June the 12 was the perfect day. 

The drive there was fast & I don't even remember half of it I just remember the contractions coming hard and starting to feel really hot again. My whole pregnancy was pretty text book perfect. Our ultrasounds were always how they should be and Kayden’s heartbeat was always perfect, so I didn't expect to go into the hospital with a fever and Kayden’s heart rate extremely low. The nurse who my god was amazing, all of the nurses were I don't know how they do it. She examined me and said everything was moving along I came in dilated to 7cm and it was only 7:30pm I thought he'll be out in no time. They gave me my epidural and told me to rest. I kept getting hotter and I had to have a breathing mask over my face which to me made it harder to breathe. Once I woke up from my nap an hour later, it was time I was ready to start pushing. 

At some point in between all of the pushing my heartburn became so intense I had to stop I felt dizzy they gave me this disgusting tasting syrup to reduce the heartburn and it helped for a second. I went back to pushing after one push I looked at Greg and he saw it all over my face, I was about to throw up of course the buckets were in the wrong drawer and I threw up all over my gown as they were changing my gown my epidural completely fell out I had a feeling it did but wasn't sure since I was numb so I kept pushing. I pushed for 7 hours, as I pushed Kayden’s heart raised and then lowered again and my temperature just kept getting higher. They could see the top of Kayden’s head, so could Greg. She was starting to feel like it was time to call the doctor so we stopped pushing while she called Dr. Phillips. I'll never forget it waiting for him to show up I didn't want to vacuum Kayden out and I knew that was the next option if I couldn't push him out I was starting to feel the contractions get more intense I told the nurse I was pretty sure my epidural was out now, she called the anesthesiologist he never showed up. 

Dr. Phillips walked in he looked tired, I can't blame him it was 2:00am he just woke up from sleeping I'm sure and now had to help deliver my baby he introduced himself in a rude manor I took a step back I didn't like his tone at all. I just wanted Dr. Olivera I was so pissed but this was it he told me the plan we'd push without help two more times if it didn't work we'd have to us the Vac but could only use it 3 times. So I pushed and I pushed hard twice it didn't work we moved onto the vac my contractions were getting worse and I was getting worn out but I tried so hard once, the vac didn't seem to latch right so I pushed again he yelled "come on I can't do all the work you have to push!" I wanted to slap him seriously and like a nice twist he tried to latch the vac and blood sprayed all over him in his face in his mouth like god was a saying a big shut your mouth. He cleaned up we started again this was it the last push and it didn't work. I felt so defeated and I hated him he then told me well you couldn't push him out so now we will have to do an emergency c-section your temperature is too high & his heart beat is too low.

I was so sad the nurses were pissed off at him just as much as me I could tell, my delivery nurse told me I did an amazing job and not to worry. No doctor should ever talk to a patient like that I remember them telling my parents and Greg the plan of the c-section and telling Greg he wouldn't be able to be in there as they prepped me for surgery. I remember them wheeling me to the emergency room for surgery and feeling the contractions coming back, as they did I remember feeling so defeated, scared and hurt. This isn't how I imagined it, I remember seeing my family and friends waiting outside the room for Kayden to be born and them telling me they loved me, in that moment I started to cry I was instantly scared. I laid alone in a sterol room as they prepped the tools, as the nurses explained to me what would happen and as the anesthesiologist FINALLY came to the room to redo my epidural, he laughed it off and said it must have fallen out but to me this was no joke. This wasn't how I wanted Kayden to be born not in this room by a doctor who I had just met maybe an hour before but there wasn't another option and my doctor wasn't on call. 

Greg came in the room and sat next to me I think I passed out from exhaustion but then I felt the cut, the push and a tug, and just like that he was born. I came to and asked Greg if Kayden was ok? I didn't hear him crying I instantly became scared and then there it was the sweetest cry I could imagine and the cutest baby I ever saw. I didn't get to hold him, I started to cry and told Greg he's so cute I gave him a kiss and just like that he was whisked away Greg followed after him. I had no skin to skin contact and I maybe saw him for a minute, this wasn't how I thought it would be. As they stitched me up the doctor talked about how this would be his last vacation for awhile since Dr. Olivera was leaving to a new hospital, he sounded so bitter I couldn't believe he was sewing me up and talking about a vacation. 

I fell asleep in the recovery room and was awoken by my nurse she took my temperature which was still really high and I was still losing a lot of blood they had to wait for my doctor to come in. Once Dr. Olivera got to me she congratulated me and told me Kayden was beautiful, she then went on checking that I was healing right so far after doing so and seeing I was fine, I remember her being extremely upset she asked the nurse exactly what happened, the nurse was also upset about the way it all went. Dr. Olivera asked her "why didn't you call me?! She could have done it I know she could have!" I won't ever forget that sentence and that's exactly why I chose her as my doctor, cause she would have gotten Kayden out with me. Greg came to see how I was doing, he looked so pail and exhausted I told him he could go lay in our room while I napped in the recovery room but he just had to check on Kayden the nurse heard me and brought Kayden over even though I couldn't hold him yet. Greg and I sat there with him for a couple minutes all I wanted to do was hold him but soon they took him back to the nursery and Greg headed to our room. 

The next couple hours and days were the worst, I was so happy to have my baby but after they ran his blood work they realized there was something wrong and his levels were too high, so they took him to the NICU, they didn't know why is levels were high since I wasn't really sick and only had a fever for delivery. I was a mess I couldn't stop crying I hardly spent any time with him and didn't really get a full answer as to why he wasn't allowed in our room till later and he was my baby why didn't they know what was wrong, isn't that their job? The whole first night and half of the next day I didn't get to see Kayden except in photos that Greg took. The nurse the second night asked me where my baby was and I instantly started to cry, she was amazing and I wish she was my nurse every day there, she helped me get out of bed and taught me how to do so without killing my stomach. After that night I was finally able to walk to see Kayden in the NICU, seeing him in there with tubes and needles in his body was so hard. Breastfeeding was difficult on us too since I was so stressed and my milk still never fully came in. We spent a long 7 days in the hospital waiting for Kayden’s levels to be acceptable for going home, I told them I wouldn't leave without my baby even if they had to charge me for a room and finally on Father's Day his levels were perfect and we could finally leave. When I look back on it all I know it was right to have a c-section all I wanted was to get Kayden out and for him to be in my arms but I can't help feel regrets and sadness for not being able to hold him right away I feel like I missed out on a huge bonding experience, I have to remind myself it's nothing I can fix now and what is done is done, I have my baby now who is not such a baby anymore and that is all that matters.

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